Who is this girl seated here--waiting for an answer? If only to explain her.
Swimming within my head are thousands of toils and heartaches
Coming ashore on a daily basis to torment and greet;
They do the former with great insensitivity and
the latter with a mocking tone.
I only wish to drown them, but they are such good swimmers.
I can see my need for perspective;
that I'll always be coping with some problem or another.
It feels though that now, it's all at once.
If only to have a mother,
a lover,
a sister,
a job,
an education,
a friend,
a novel,
a religion,
and a self. To have myself would supersede the desire for any of the latter.
But, that is the most difficult to attain.
Someone could approach me now with the will to repair my broken life
And I would deem it a miracle,
Because, you see,
it's too much work for me.
My apathy arrived unexpectedly and without viable references.
For this reason, I don't know whether or not to take it seriously.
Ask not for weakness to accept you, but for you to accept it.
After X amount of fighting,
my fatigue reaches relentlessness,
my apathy is astronomical
and only matched by my insatiable misanthropy.
They're all swimming within the current of bullshit in my river of self-induced suffering
and so I surrender to weakness.
Let's see where I end up from here.
X