I despumated him—from my life and my thoughts.
We arrived at the overrated conifers of Yosemite and while feigning enthusiasm
for its towering mountaintops and shooting waterfalls, I ceased feigning
affections. It had reached its end much earlier, but I was not yet ready to say
goodbye. A road trip was a bad time to reach that point, but so is life. I was
tired of playing a game I hated for a prize I didn’t care for—but time worked
in my favor, as time is wont to do. I was neglected and devalued to the point
that I bid him farewell and asked for a rescue from my sister while I sat on a
suitcase on a street corner like a hobo. He called three times to apologize and
I responded with ‘OK. But this really doesn’t matter anymore’.
So that’s that and it’s ok. I feel great.
It’s sad when I think about his beautiful arms or the one time he served me
breakfast in bed. But a nice body and a nice gesture don’t erase all the
aggressive persistence in telling me his doubts and that he didn’t want me
around. He denied my person, as I was willing to offer and it made me doubt my
self-worth…because of how easy his rejection was.