My relationship is more work than
suspected. In my set of expectations was realistic longing, sure. It ended
there. It’s actually developed into a mental brain fuck which is fed by all the
physical distance. Fulfilling him in order to compensate for this distance is
exhausting…and how can I fulfill if I’m not fulfilled? Intellectually,
emotionally, carnally…but I made this space between us. At least the physical
one. And he’s retaliating by making an even bigger and bleaker emotional one.
So I continue this charade…