An Alcoholics Anonymous slogan I feel particularly neutral
towards is “we are not a glum lot.” I understand it as a self-aggrandizing
motto for the insecure...but let's go with it for a second. Among this "not-so-glum" shine some gems--I mean some really good people. Too, among this lot, slither in society’s innocuous perverts,
preying on females desperately trying to stay sober one day at a time. These men
don't come to the rooms of AA with lecherous intent, but
while sobering/growing up they can’t help but seize the opportunity rearing its horny little head amid the land of vulnerable women. Binders full of
women.
I learned this one sunny sober afternoon when a fellow
recovering alcoholic revealed himself a predator. Using our membership in AA (a program of self-improvement) as a pass to my usual cautiousness, I
exchanged a few texts with this snake. At other places (bar, party, work)
I’m hyper-vigilant about men; my walls are way up. But in the “safe” rooms of
Alcoholics Anonymous, I let those walls down. So after confirming the meeting I
was headed to, he asked whether I was going to "wear that sexy red
lipstick from the other night.” This turd blindsided
me rendering me helpless. Motionlessly staring at my phone, I tried to mind-will different words
to appear on the screen. I instantly blamed myself for letting my guard
down. This experience mirrored the the shame and blame shaping the narrative of many of my hungover mornings.
Alas, in those safe rooms full
of drunks there are daggers in men’s smiles—ready to poke and prod at the first
opportunity. At last night’s meeting, I informed a sobriety brother that his AA
is very different than my AA. While he can focus on recovery,
I must exercise vigilance of the men lurking on freshly sober prey. And I
seldom allow these perverted jags to derail my singleness of purpose: recovery.
He didn't understand what I meant, and I hope he never has to; I doubt men
in recovery could deal with the shit women go through in those rooms. We often say "the men will grab your ass and the women will save it". The necessity of this saying is depressing.